Alone Together Paperback – April 15, 2007

When I first found this book at the library, my husband and I were first starting to look into Asperger's because we thought my son and husband might have it. Life kept me from reading this as soon as I would have liked, but once I did it was like having one a ha moment after another. Not only did it help confirm that AS is something my husband and son have, but myself as well.Katrin Bentley writes from her own experience of living with a husband with AS. She offers a real and honest perspective of what her marriage has been like, and "gives strategies and hints on how to improve" your relationship with someone with AS. I love what she says in the first couple of pages, "Once we discovered AS was the cause of our endless misunderstandings we were able to come to terms with a different way of thinking". Misunderstood is how someone with Asperger's feels, and those married to people with AS must face many frustrations of not understanding why their spouse is the way they are. So, coming to a new way of thinking is about the best answer.Katrin addresses so many different points about being AS, and married to someone who has it that it would take quite a while to mention them all. The most valuable thing that came from this book is it opened a door of communication and understanding between my husband and myself. I read portions to him that I thought we both related to, and we would have long talks about it.I appreciate that Katrin does not bash someone with AS, but lovingly explains things, She is not an expert, but more of a friend and mentor. I would read anything else she wrote about AS.

This book is written in a very relaxing and easy to read style, I do not think this is only for Asperger diagnosed people, but for everyone, since all of us show aspergians characteristics once in a while, specially when we are under a lot of stress, so the key is having open communication so we can understand why the other person did what he or she did, rather than walking away without having all the information. One of the key characteristics that I have taken away from this book is that Aspergian behavior seems to be triggered when we act out on our feelings without putting any bounderies or controls over them, then a balance is broken and people get hurt, however, understanding that some people do not know how to build those boundaries or limits can be the key to re-establishing an old relationship in new and fresh ways through teaching, practicing and lots of patience, lots of it, but the end result is all worth it, since we are all human beeings and we like each other's company although we may not know how to express it. Great book.

Hi world. Aspie here, born September 7 1961. Born again November 30 2008. As a (self)diagnosed Aspie. The whole difference is in the knowing. Read Tony Attwood's bible then, cried a bucket. Just finished reading 'Making an Asperger's Marriage Work' and cried another one. It does a man good to cry a bucket of tears once in a while. Should we have known about my AS in 1998 we would have had a fighting chance. We did not, so we did not. As an undiagnosed Aspie you are fighting blindfolded. You can only hit yourself, and the person you care most about. Reading 'Making an Asperger's Marriage work' has made me aware of just how hard married life with me must have been. It does make me sad but you cannot fight the things you cannot see. We did manage then to go our own ways without causing irreparable damage to each other. I am an old-fashioned guy, sort of. While I can well accept that a marriage can end, in my lil Aspie book 'to love & cherish till death do us part' is NOT something that can end. Having the blindfold off in 2008 was a great help to gain understanding and to stop the free fall I was in. Reading the story of these two young people is not going to turn the clock back but it will be a great help in getting myself on the upswing again.Katrin & Gavin, thanks for sharing & keep up the good fight.J.Work in ProgressUpdate-breaking news-important-LET THERE BE LIGHT !!!Katrin stresses in her book the need for sunlight, since this is benificial to combat autisme-related depression. I took this to heart right away but since I don't live in a sunny country I went down the road of antidepressants that assist with serotonin. This works, but not really well. Serotonin administered in this way messes up melatonin production, aka the sleep hormone. So it was one step foreward, one backward.A few weeks ago I learned about light therapy from my MD( err doctor in medicine). Sitting in front of a therapy light, or wearing it as special "light glasses" in the morning triggers serotonin production the natural way while avoiding to disturb the melatonine production. Now i'm fit during the day, and I rest well at night. All without pills and associated side effects.On Amazon you can find devices for light therapy under Health & Personal Care > "light therapy". While these do light therapy, and seem to do so well, not all of them are medical devices, that is tested to be safe for use. I do use a http://www.luminette.be/en/ which is an approved medical device. See a professional !!Glasses vs lamps? Lamps are used by therapists everywhere, they work, but you must shoehorn them into your life. Glasses as I use them fit (almost) seamlessly into my normal morning routine. Can't shower with them but after breakfast and the morning paper I'm good to go for the day.Hope this helps

I am the wife of a man, who at the age of 68, just found out he has Asperger's Syndrome in the autistic spectrum.. So, believing there is a book for everything, I ordered several different books from funny, to medical, to autobiographical. This is the most true to life and informative about real life of the bunch. After reading the first two chapters, I was so mad and upset that I put the book down for a few weeks before trying to finish it. Then I gave it to my husband to read. For the first time since he started having troubles back in junior high school, he saw himself in this book. He understands this issue so much better and feels better about himself. I also understood much better about the way he thinks and why things have been the way they were all the years of marriage. The book is easy to read, interesting, and very helpful.

This is an easy read and it is very helpful in terms of offering examples and helpful suggestions for maneuvering a relationship with someone who has AS. It is a story of one relationship.

This book has been incredible at helping my husband and I in this 'journey'. He does not have a formal diagnosis but we don't need that to know he is AS. At first I found learning about being a NT wife of an AS partner so overwhelming that I could only read about it bit by bit- almost to scared to see what else I might recognose. Whilst Alone Together is a very personal account I had so many analogies it was reassuring and it helped reading small parts out to my husband - and already things have improved. If you don't find enough analogies please please write your 'alone together' as there will be so many people that you will strike a chord with and you will help them.

This book really opened my eyes to how I can help make my marriage more enjoyable. Thanks for being so open Katrin & Gavin

Great fir the Aspie to read!

Good to hear one person's experience. I had hoped for some more perspective that might help my own situation, however this got all a bit magical thinking. Anyone who lives a la 'The Secret' isn't likely to have any practical advice I can use. Also, I don't think all of this man's behaviour should be accepted just because he's ASD. It just reinforces the idea that if women just love their man enough/ sacrifice enough/ are patient/ tolerant enough then they will be loved.Some of this behaviour is just abusive, and I hope other women don't read this and conclude that they just need to be more understanding if their partner is behaving abusively.