The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline That Really Works!

I disagree with about a third of what Rosemond says. I understand and agree with but in different terms yet similar methods, with another third. I wholeheartedly agree with the rest. I recommend this book to all teens so they can see themselves in the stories, reflect on the whys and outcomes of their behaviors, redefine their childhood views and feelings as they are defining themselves as adult individuals. I recommend this book to new parents and grandparents, as I think they should have a general path of parenting and family ideals laid out in advance; they should anticipate developmentally typical as well as culturally typical behaviors and have a game plan on how to avoid them or ameliorate them as they happen. I recommend this book to established parents with occasionally exasperating family incidences or child behaviors as well as those in the throes; get varying perspectives, pay attention to what does not work for others, pay attention to which advice sounds great but is not followed up by positive anecdotal support, and realize there is a difference between temporarily seeing improvement and actual healing, as well as that plenty of people in general and thus children as well often just get better at hiding or masking behaviors. Read this book, and other books. Read is opponent's books. Write down what feels right, what feels like fluff. Pay attention at theaters, the park, church, the store at methods and behaviors and attitudes that parents employ when things go wrong, as well as when nothing at all is wrong. I raised two step children horribly when my oldest were babies. On my own observations and understanding of human behavior and self interest, I came to many of the same conclusions as this author, and employed many of the same tactics, always with temporary relief or just helping my step children learn more secretive and devious behaviors. I didn't do it right, partly because I lost my temper and said the wrong things in the throes of exasperation and exhaustion and partly because I pleaded through lengthy explanations in my hope that if they saw I was not arbitrary and that I had a good reason for my few rules and my frequent directives that I could reason with them and get them on my side. One was in my life from 5-12 years of age, and I was the primary parent for most of that time; one was in my life from 11- 16 years of age and I was the primary parent for most of that time. Today, the first resents me and seems to hate me, and the second has turned his back on his entire family and communicates to no one so I can only guess. In the end, I have no relationship with either, and haven't for most of the growing up years of what became five children of my own. I tried, and I cared, but I failed in the end because I lost respect for them that they had lost for me long before. I did not have a strong foundation, however my intentions. I learned from what I did right and what I did wrong, so I repeated far less of the wrong as I raised my children. I still thought I could rationalize with them, though. And in different moments I thought my disappointment or disapproval would guilt them into proper behavior, or that lengthy explanations could reason them into proper behavior, or that discussions and role playing could teach them to copy good behavior, or that praising good behavior would encourage more good behavior. In the end, each was born with a personality that made them more or less likely to care about other's feelings, to be more or less self-centered or others-oriented, to be typically honest or likely to deceive, to be more of a leader or more of a follower, to be more likely to give in or less likely to give up, etc. My parenting either did nothing or something in each separate incidence to encourage, discourage, pesuade, dissuade, lessen, or compound any behavior difficulty or character trait or personality trait. There were no tricks, and when I used methods that I knew failed my step children, they equally failed my children. In the end, I still agree with my minimal family rules maxim, and that they should obey my directives, but I realize that they remember punishments but not their behavior leading to it, so that my punishments feel unfair as time goes on even if they are infrequent. This book may help you realize the importance of not taking on the stress of constant monitor as I did for my step children, because eventually they realized they could lose anything so no thing was valued and thus no thing mattered if taken away, so no thing was worth earning back, and their behavior toward each other, at school, and in the community did not improve despite constant vigilance and weekly school meetings. This book may help you realize the importance of not explaining more than necessary, of not lecturing at all, of being clear and concise and reminding them for an extended time how their behavior is causing them discomfort, not my intervention.

I have 4 kids (the oldest being 8). I will be honest, I run a tight ship at home. Our kids are extremely well behaved anywhere outside of the home, so much so that people always comment and ask how the heck I do it. But, when our 2nd turned 4 it seemed we were in for a change. The dynamic just changed, the older kids were always fighting, and the 2nd started sassing me and being defiant so much so that I had enough and after about 4 hours searching here, decided on this book. I was at my wits end and tired of the way things were going. I don't believe in all the medication being shoved down everyone's throats these days, nor the idea that just because a child acts as such, there is a serious problem.... The author confirmed my thinking on that, but beyond that opened my eyes in quite a few areas. Although I'd like to say I'm doing a pretty good job (I do the majority of the discipline), there were a lot of small details it was obvious I had screwed up on, those small little details can change things significantly in the scheme of things. And I realized that many of the issues really weren't my 2nd acting up just to make me crazy or the older ones fighting over who should walk in the house first (and both get stuck in the doorway...yes I know...seriously right?), but it was because of minor details I had done or not done over time that added up... Hence the "aha" moment, one after another. This book made so many things clear to me, that I would have never realized. Not only was this an extremely helpful book, he is quite hilarious, but then I appreciate dry humor and I have an assertive personality. :). He brings me back to the saying that is, "if it's not broke, don't fix it.". It's very true. Look how much more well behaved we were as children, and how much kids were before us. And you look around you now, wondering what the heck happened to the kids these days.... In most cases, it's the parent who teaches the kid(s). If we can't parent properly, how could you expect the children to behave accordingly? This book hits both, training you to parent properly and train children to behave accordingly. His techniques work, and fast.... If you can't judge a book by its cover, then judge it by what you learn, apply and see work. A+! Unless you are closed minded, and feel you know better than anyone else all there is to know, you will not regret purchasing this book. I feel we can always learn something new, or rediscover what we did know, but 2nd guessed it.... And besides you get some humor out of it too. Happy reading!

Straightforward and sensible. I have read a number of parenting books but the more I read the more confused I have become. I feel like I have finally read something that doesn't go against every instinct in me. The only reason I've dropped a star is that in my opinion he is a little harsh sometimes. I want to think good things about my children, not assume the worst.

Although John Rosemond has a lengthy career in child psychology the emphasis within this book is that ALL children are naughty and they require training much like domesticated pets. “Punishment is every bit as necessary to raising a well-behaved child as weeding is to growing a successful garden.” This set alarm bells off. "weeds" nice comparison."Wilful children"... as the mother of a child who comes under this title the recommendations from this piece of tripe seemed only to be to squash her will and mould it into the one I had decided she would be. Yes my daughter is the one who will throw herself on the floor in Tescos and scream. I find just walking away from her the most effective technique then later we have a little chat and it ends with an impy smile that I would not change for the world.He states that there is nothing wrong with smacking your child provided you do so in a calm manner, repeatedly telling the child why you are in smacking their bare bottom. How cool and calculated you must seem as you strip your child and prepare to inflict shame and pain on their little bottoms. He goes as far to recommend smacking their bare skin with your hand so you can judge how much pain you are inflicting on your child. Inflicting pain on someone a quarter of your size to teach them right from wrong just does not compute and is desperation.Although the basis of his book makes sense, such as: structure, routine, boundaries should form the basics of any child's life. I find many of his ideas repugnant and belittling.Young children should eat alone at their own table because they are young? Why because they are little? What is the reason for this.He recommends using the term "because I said so". If I wanted my daughter to learn the ways of sheep then I would employ these farm based techniques. Baaaaaaaa.He heavily criticises people who co-sleep with their children. I respect that this arrangement is not for everyone but Mr Rosemond makes parents to who do support this arrangement sound like sissy namby pamby crazy people. Cheers but you try the weeks when a small baby cries non stop until you start to hallucinate through sleep depravation, whilst your breasts leak all over the bed, until I let her sleep next to me and she felt safe and got a routine of sleeping. Co sleeping worked for me. My three year old isn't clingy or demented she is really independent. Her first day at nursery school she strolled in sat down and started to get right in, no crying.There are so many things about this book that I do not like I don't have the energy to list them.The fact that this book is a top seller saddens me. There are other more positive approaches to teach the ways of the world to your children.I am going to shred and recycle this book rather than burden any other parent with its backdated, boring, mindless approach to creating a stunted and resentful child. Thank you but no thanks.

While some of the disciplinary advice in this book may actually help, I could not take the advice of someone who thinks children are inherently bad. Just a heads up for those who may not be able to preview before buying.

Everyone With children, or thinking Bout having s9me, should read this book. Very valuable advice. And a very easy read.

A great investment for parents AND gran-tparents like us; never too late to get insight and better understanding!