Fang Si-Chi's First Love Paradise: A Novel

I am not comfortable reading books about sexual abuse, especially when children are involved. But when I saw the blurb calling this “the most influential book of Taiwan’s #MeToo movement”, I knew I would give it a go. It has not been comfortable reading at all! I have had to force myself to pick this book up after keeping it aside readily when the going became tough. The only external force that ensured my completion was the fact that this book is based on a true story, and I wanted to extend my solidarity to the writer, though she’ll never know about this.Author Lin Yi-Han died by suicide a few months after the publication of her first and only novel. Only after her death came the news that she had based this book on her own experiences of sexual assault by a cram school teacher many decades her senior. Yi-Han was only 26 when she died, and had been suffering from depression since many years. Perhaps she had penned this novel as some kind of cathartic endeavour, but it wasn’t enough. Such a tragic end to a young life!Goodreads suggests ratings based on our enjoyment of a book, with 1 star indicating “I did not like it” and 5 stars for “It was amazing!” In that sense, this book deserves 1 star because I did not *like* this book at all. A majority of the characters and the situations are frustrating. The sexual abuse scenes are terribly graphic. In fact, these sequences make us feel like we are right there witnessing the assault, probably even living it, because the words ring so authentic! There’s no smoothening of feelings or brushing aside of violations. Every single part of the abuse is detailed out without censorship. This obviously means that the book is not for the fainthearted. I jumped over the more graphic scenes after a while because I couldn’t handle the content. It has taken all within me to push myself to the finish line.At the same time, the book also earns the full rating. The intricate characterisation, the stark honesty in the writing, the metaphorical approach to the mundane, and the painful plot - all promise a literary experience beyond measure. An interesting feature of the novel lies in its choice of characters. Unlike usual stories of abuse, the victims (yes, plural) in this book aren’t from poor families or from relatively ignorant or illiterate backgrounds. Rather, Si-Chi belongs to a wealthy family, and lives a privileged life with quality education. Her fascination for classical literature is painfully misused by the perpetrator, who twists words to suit his own narrative.What makes this book tougher to handle is the complex exploration of the young girl's feelings after she is raped and abused by a trusted adult. The clue to her coping mechanism lies in that strangely happy title: “first love paradise.” She turns the unpalatable truth into a version she can tolerate. One feels helpless seeing her handle the abuse this way. Anyone who picks this up merely by title or cover is bound to have a shock as the plot isn’t a “paradise” at all, with themes such as gaslighting, gender discrimination, rape, child abuse, sexual violence, trauma, mental health issues, grooming, victim shaming, miscarriage, and domestic abuse.Some chapters are written from the assailant’s point of view, and needless to say, these are the most infuriating as his disgusting thinking reveals itself without guilt. Then again, it wouldn’t be right to say that this man is the main villain of the story. The crime belongs almost as much to those who knew of such shenanigans and chose either to turn a blind eye or to slut-shame the victim.The content itself isn’t a smooth ride, but there are a few further hurdles my way. There were too many characters at the start, and it took some time to get acquainted with them, though the going got easier once the character identities were settled. Moreover, the language was a bit awkward at times. This book was originally written in Mandarin in 2017, so I am not sure if the odd metaphors were straight from the original writing or a translation issue. But the back-and-forth jump across timelines and the slight stream-of-consciousness style added to the complicatedness of the reading.This is my first Taiwanese novel, and it has been an odd experience combining enlightenment with exasperation. Despite the somewhat dissatisfactory and highly uncomfortable reading experience, there’s no way I will not recommend the book. It is not easy to read, but it still tells a story that must be heard. Not all victim stories go the same way, and this book spotlights this hidden bitter truth.Recommended to lit fic fans and readers of gut-wrenching true-life narratives who can tolerate graphic paedophilic scenes. If you want a story that has hope in any measure, stay away from this work. This is disturbing almost all the way.Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book at my request and these are my honest thoughts about it, written voluntarily. Detailed review on Goodreads.