You Never Stop Being a Parent: Thriving in Relationship with Your Adult Children

You Never Stop Being a Parent, Thriving in Relationship with Your Adult Childrenby Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick (New Jersey: P & R Publishing Company, 2010) 209 pp, paper, $14.99Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick team up to address an often ignored but vital topic concerning relationships with adult children. Although the book was written in 2010 its message is still relevant. A few quoted statistics are obviously out of date, but since most of the advice is grounded in Scripture and the cross (p. 13), its message is timeless. Nevertheless, many of the problems and situations addressed in this book are unique to recent times. Boomerang kids, young adults who return home, and the Peter Pan Syndrome, in which many simply do not want to grow up, are a rather modern phenomenon. Chapter three addresses these concerns, but not before first laying down important principles that need to be taught while children are growing up (chapter two).Chapter five specifically calls for adult children who are still in their parents’ home to work as hard as their parents, follow rules, and accept consequences that parents prescribe, and for parents to evict their young adult children if they live foolishly or begin to accumulate debt. Since well-intentioned parents want to help their adult children, discussion as to when aiding too much feeds an entitlement mentality (pp. 104-106) and/or circumvents the Lord’s work in their lives is important (p. 109). At other times rebuke may be necessary, but pleading rather than strong confrontation is preferred (p. 110). And even removing an offspring from the home does not mean total shunning (p. 113).Money is at the heart of many conflicts and the authors wisely included a chapter (eight) on the money maze, warnings concerning debt, and lending to adult children. The final chapters address difficult matters such as bad romantic choices, refusal to be involved with parents and in-laws, and the joys and opportunities of grandparenting (pp. 154-160).Four appendixes are included: “Resolving Conflict with In-laws,” “Children Caring for Parents,” the gospel, and “Sample Contracts with Young Adults.” Three of these appendixes are helpful but, sadly, the one on the gospel, written by Fitzpatrick, is weak at best. For whatever reason, she shies away from words such as sin, never mentions repentance, and speaks of the Lord "helping" us numerous times, rather than telling the reader that He died in our place to deliver us from sin and its consequences. This appendix is easily the weakest link in the book. Other than this anemic gospel presentation, You Never Stop Being a Parent is a valuable and recommended book. Reviewed by Gary E. Gilley, Pastor-teacher at Southern View Chapel

Saying that this book was timely for my husband and I hardly does it justice. With 11 children, ages 14 to 23, "You Never Stop Being a Parent" was a godsend. Although we are familiar with the Ultimate Source (the Holy Scriptures), Mr. Newheiser and Mrs. Fitzpatrick have once again written a book which we find rich in practical application of those Scriptures. Subjects such as finances, house rules (and when to change them), and marriage (strengthening your own and preparing for your childrens') are covered thoroughly in this well written book. Ample examples satisfied my own unending what-does-that-look-like-in-real-life questions and a "sample contract for your young adult" will be used and reused in our home over the next few years. The young adults still living in our home would likely say "thank you" to the authors if given the chance, as they are currently reaping the benefits of how this book has taught my husband and I to better implement biblical principles in their lives.

Some exceptional help here, depending on your situation. This book excels at communicating chiefly to (a) parents whose children are transitioning into adulthood, and (b) were/are being raised/encouraged by believing parents. I found this book while working on one that addresses the hearts and thoughts of older parents whose children were perhaps brought up without church/God (parents came to Christ later in life) or who were brought up in faith but are now in the forties and fifties and are still wandering from God. That is not meant to suggest an inadequacy in this book, which is helpful in so many ways, but just to help define this book's best audience (allowing for some crossover insight, of course).

Very practical and wise.

Book is very helpful and helps put things in perspective. It takes both sides the parent and the adult child. I have both changed the way I handle my adult children and have also regained my boundaries; which makes more peace between us!!

This book is a must read for those with even older teens approaching adulthood.Will help save many arguments!

Although I'm not a fan of Elyse's, I am grateful that Jim Newheiser co-wrote this book with her because it is a great book!Insightful and full of wisdom. Highly recommend it to parents who are struggling with adult children issues.

Every parent should read this book! It was a blessing to find it. It's principles and explanations, together with many examples of scripture helped me and my husband so much.

This is a good, practical book for parents facing challenges with their young adult children. Nothing new or groundbreaking, just solid, Biblical affirmation of what most parents already intuitively know.