How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) Hardcover – February 7, 2012

I recommend this book to all current or aspiring parents to read, especially those who have toddlers and have some trying times in the future. There's a nice workbook area in each chapter which is so handy so you can truly work out your own thoughts/feelings throughout to get practice on it all. Plus there's real-life scenarios for things that many of us parent's can relate to which is helpful to bring it into the real world and not just read it and forget about it within the next 10 minutes. It talks a lot about bringing yourself down from those big feelings and allowing your child to feel them, but also helping them work through those feelings themselves.

First time I read this book, my eyes started to sweat as the examples of how not to talk to kids leapt from the page into my heart's throat with memories of the past. There is not a parent alive who hasn't made mistakes, who wishes that they had made different choices, who wants to take back the hurt they caused their little ones. This book aligned with my priorities as a parent, to help my children become the best decision makers that they can possibly be, to be free thinkers. There are tons of tips and tools in this book that help parents and children listen, feel important, open up and encourage independence. One great tip was not riddling your kids with questions but eliciting conversation with responses that allow children, teenagers and young adults to share more without feeling like they are on a quiz show. It's amazing to me how much my boys tell me if I just give them the chance to talk to an attentive father. FYI to all you husbands out there... these conversation tools work on wives and co-workers too. Another fact that really hit home for me that I'm able to put into everyday practice is, a parent should punish with "natural consequences" that fit the "crime". I remember as a kid getting spanked for doing something wrong... don't even remember what the infractions were... it may have been, not putting something away or lying. In any case, getting swatted for infractions is not what happens in real life. Physical punishment just creates animosity and the desire for revenge. What happens in the real world is, if you don't take care of your friend's belongings... they stop loaning them to you. If you lie, people stop believing you. Children should suffer similar consequences for their own infarctions within a family unit. These types of life lessons when taught to children can shape character... these lessons can reshape yours.

A fabulous book! I recommend all of these to parents as a therapist.

I was actually not really sure on how many stars to give this book, both because I have just finished it and I am not a parent. I am currently a babysitter and have noticed that I am not as patient or kind with the kids (1, 3, 5) when under pressure as I once thought I was capable of being. I have many children in my family, and I have always been the one to play with the kids, babysit etc. I have also always been the one to look on with disbelief at the way I see many parents treat their children and internally criticize their parenting skills. Low and behold, the longer I babysat, every day....all day.....the more I saw myself behaving far too similarly to those other parents! Out of fear of becoming a parent I criticize when I have my own children (and to better deal with the children I watch now), I decided to invest in some parenting books to change those scripts in my head that I was raised with and see all around me. All of that being said, I find this book to be contrary to so many of the views on parenting I was brought up with and have seen around me. Respect your kids, respect yourself, build a relationship of mutual respect rather than a dominant-submissive one, acknowledge feeling, share your own feelings, and so on. I really like the ideas in the book, but putting them into practice is, obviously, the true test. The most shocking part of the book is that they do not believe in punishment or consequences, a totally new idea for me. They do offer alternatives and I agree with the reasoning behind it. Consequences make kids focus on the punishment, not the bad act, therefore rather than focusing on how to fix the problem they created, they begin to resent their parents. All in all, I think it is worth reading. If anything, it will help you start to rethink some of the things you may do with your own kids, and you can, at least, pick and choose some new techniques to try.

What a great, informational book.