His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Paperback – January 15, 2013

Over a period of time, thousands of books have been written to aid couples in bettering their marriages. Some of the books are successful and some have literally fallen by the way side; however, Harley's book on His Needs, Her Needs would definitively have to be classified in one of the all time classics of marital help books. The amazing thing about this book is Harley's advice is marital advice that actually works!In all practicality, Harley presents the idea that, "Marital conflict is created one of two ways: (1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy." The seconded thought is added-up as a failure to protect the marriage of which Harley chooses to omit discussing this thought in this book. However, he does mention where the second component of this idea is found and by tackling it in the book, this book's companion, Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love.This Book primarily deals with the issue that couples fail to make each other happy usually not by spite but rather out of ignorance in understanding each others basic needs that must be met in order to maintain or repair marital bliss. Harley's experience in counseling gives him ample knowledge about this topic and his findings are much worth our time to find them and practice them.In addition to the author's thought, the book is built around the idea of "affair-proofing" your marriage. In his opening statement, chapter one, he addresses people who want happiness in their marriage, (and who does not?). Whether they be newly married, married for a number of years, have a bad marriage or just had an affair, marriage can be built or rebuilt if we would learn this basic principle and message throughout the book: "Become aware of each other's needs and learn to meet them."As an undeniable truth, Harley boldly states, "If any of a spouse's five basic emotional needs goes unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair." This is his intent and underlining theme throughout his book.In this easy-to-read book on male-female differences, you will learn to build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year. Certainly, we all can attest to the fact that men and women have different needs. Some of these needs may in fact overlap each other, on rare occasions, but for the most part these needs, the author sums up, are:The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:1. Sexual fulfillment2. Recreational companionship3. An attractive wife4. Domestic support5. AdmirationThe woman's five most basic needs in the marriage ten to be:1. Affection2. Conversation3. Honesty and openness4. Financial support5. Family commitmentHarley did a wonderful job explaining and relating each one of these terms to each spouse in a non-offensive way, which speaks volumes in relativeness and applicability. Though, written in 1986, nearly twenty years later this book proves to be a must-needs in every marital situation.Harley explains, "If the needs of men and women are so different, no wonder thy have difficulty adjusting in marriage. A man can have the best intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he things her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably. When they assume men appreciate the same gestures of kindness they like, women, too, fail."Based on the idea that everyone has what Harley refers to as a "love bank", he comments, "Figuratively speaking, I believe each on us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person either makes deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her."Unknowingly, however, no one actually knows how many of these deposits or withdrawals a person has, (Which, all-together, teaches differently than Chapman's book on The Five Love Languages, who says we do know and are to selfishly remind our spouse about our levels.)Though clear communication and effective training , we can harness this power of wisdom and apply it to our marriages then we will reap a harvest of deep intimacy that God intended for us to have. Harley does just that, giving us the tools to better our communication and advancing ourselves in the eyes of our spouse in the irresistible way. This, of which, is something every marriage should contain, as we should not leave our spouse needing something we can give them and having the possibility of them finding and filling that gap filled by someone else.This book was the most enjoyable book my wife and I have ever read and has revolutionized our marriage in ways that only reading and practicing Harley's experienced work could find out. We found the information within is far more valuable than most books on helping your marriage.

Book is easy to read

This is a good book on relationships. It was a wedding gift.

This is a good workbook to work on things with your partner. The only thing I didn’t like is it doesn’t tell you where to go to get the videos that need to be watched to do the exercises.

Helpful information to all the couples

I ordered this thinking it was the paperback book His Needs Her Needs. It's not until you click it that it reads "participant guide"Also, it recommends that you each have your own workbook.Other than that the workbook is helpful.

This is not the full book. There is some recording you are supposed to follow along with but there is no information on where to find them. This is more of a work book.

I've been married for 17 plus years and just now read this book and loved it so much that I purchased it for my entire family and will be giving it to all newly weds as well. Whether you have a fantastic marriage or on the brink of divorce this book is for you! I don't love the "affair proof" in the title part because it seems as if there is an issue but that's it. I love his website that has so much free and good information on it too! Marriagebuilders.com It's awesome! I've read tons of marriage books and self help books but none of them actually address what your husband's needs are and what your needs as a wife are so despite every effort you could just be not doing what they need the most to make them the most happy and vice versa. You might not even know what your needs are and this book will definitely help you figure that out and start making your marriage completely awesome!!!LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!